I currently cannot stop thinking about how 4 years in the Claude Watson program led up to this. Which is probably not how I should be thinking about my exhibit, but at this point I've come to realize that this is just my natural creative process to put this much pressure on the direct outcome, but once i let the work sit with me, I see the beauty, work, time, and effort I put into it and realize how much I l love creating.

As someone who usually pre-plans, it comes as a surprise that I did not in fact, plan out this exhibit, which I probably should have done in order to reduce all the stress that came with this process but many people have told me that all of my works are so coherent that putting together an exhibit would be quite easy, and honestly, it was.

I started off by having a conversation with Ms. Sak, and the first question she asked me was “why do you make art” which is something i had never thought of in my life. I’ve always thought it was a natural passion that i was just born with but looking back, that doesn’t seem to be the case. I spent 10 of my most formative years in the same building with the same kids so theres not many people to socialize with other than your close circle of friends you’ve known since you were 4 so alot of people found entertainment in picking fun of other kids in our cohort, particularly me. I have no idea why people find entertainment within my behaviours but i had a feeling it had to do with my own neurodivergence, which was something i was quite ashamed of when i was younger. So much that i would refuse to participate in any act that would lead me to be perceived as anything other than normal. Art became who I was. It became a distraction from all my flaws and quirks i took on this identity through the rest of my life not realizing it had even formed out of insecurity. Once i entered the Claude Watson program, I was surrounded with people who possessed talent that I could never achieve. I tried my best tracing my reference images, redoing projects the night before because i felt they wernt good enough to be seen, breaking down in tears when im faced with my classmates’ work, feeling unworthy to even be pursuing the act of art itself. But these feelings never stop me from creating. I just keep on pushing through, creating whatever my mind comes up with no matter how much it pains me at times i truly love making things and i cannot picture myself doing anything else with my life.

self-portrait interpreted

The most common thing I’ve been told is that I talk too much. Every family dinner, I’m either shushed, told that my food isn’t a microphone, or ignored until one of my family members gets so tired of me that they get up and walk away. After endless attempts to silence myself and forcing myself into introversion, I realized that I can never be fully silenced. Until now…I planned to create a set of conjoined grillz that prevent the mouth from opening.

The creation process was actually quite simple once I decided what materials to use. Every day, I had a goal to complete at least one set of grillz, which I ended up fulfilling occasionally due to the limited class time we had, which is how I ended up with 8 sets instead of 9, which was the number I planned on having, but close enough.

When it came time to submit, I felt as if this project lacked compared to my classmates and felt incomplete, which was completely untrue. I think that the scale of my other classmates’ work led me to go down this spiral where I ended up pulling 2 all-nighters to make an additional piece that wasn’t even necessary in the first place.

But as I sit with this piece now, I’ve grown quite fond of the outcome and all the craftsmanship and meaning I’ve put into this project. I think this was the best way to express one of my most identifiable aspects.

Untitled - Independent Project II

My second piece is my only grade piece that can actually relate to my thesis. I sat down with Ms. Mani and showed her my original idea, which was some sort of all-about-me design-based project, which she absolutely didn’t like and advised me to revise my idea, which obviously led me to freak out and convince myself that I suck at everything I do and that all my ideas are awful. A couple of hours of spiralling led me to reach out to an old classmate and converse about my problem. While this was going on, an idea suddenly popped into my head.

As much as I don’t like to admit it, I'm a very sensitive and over-dramatic person. I’m translating every comment and constructive criticism into some kind of deep-rooted insult that strays so far from the original topic. When this occurs, memories of past situations and comments made towards me assault my brain all at once, connecting and building up on each other until I eventually freak out over something that seems so minuscule from an outside perspective. This recurring habit of mine resembles a game of dominoes with old memories from the boneyard coming back and slamming into my brain, connecting with whatever situation caused me to spiral.

I wanted to try a new medium for this project, one that I wanted to challenge myself with, which was resin. When thinking of resin, the first thing that comes to mind is those junky pyramids or initial keychains with little gold flakes and flowers in them. I wanted to avoid that soulless craft fair vibe completely, so I opted to use belongings and scraps of my own to put inside the domino moulds in order to incorporate my own style and identity into the work.

The resin pouring process took me a week to figure out. I spent days working on tiles that didn't even cure properly because I didn't mix the solution for the duration of time it required. But once i got the hang of it the process became quite simple

Pick out the scraps and material that will be inside the tile
Cut them out and place them in the mould
Pour the resin into the moulds (Would only mix enough resin to create 5 tiles at a time)
Wait about 12-24 hours for it to cure
Repeat for 2 straight weeks

By the end of this process, my entire room stunk of resin fumes and my desk had various patches of shiny resin on it. But the outcome of that mess was a piece that I've become quite content with.

Lastly, I decided to personalize the photographs that I would use in the virtual wave slideshow using the frequent collage-like style that is seen throughout my design work. This process essentially consisted of photographing the dominoes in different formations as I was trying to mock an actual game by myself because nobody in my household wanted to play with me :( and then importing them into Photoshop and editing them, printing those photos out, collaging on top of them, and then scanning them with my printer to digitize them again.

I think this piece is one of my favourites in this exhibit because it ties into so many aspects of my life, linking culture, life experiences, memories, and my awful thought process together to create the 58 tiles that are still left untitled.

I could sit here forever…

As a child, I had a consuming fear of death so intense that the first movie I ever cried to was A Thousand Words starring Eddie Murphy (and I never cry during movies). The movie’s climax depicted a sad and somber Eddie Murphy using his last words to reconnect with his deceased father, pushing aside his inevitable fate to make amends for the time he had wasted being a bad son. Eleven-year-old me was overwhelmed with a plethora of emotions and realizations that, surprisingly, made me a bit less afraid of leaving my life behind one day.

But when I do leave my life behind, it’s going to be lit. Last year, I attended my first funeral in eight years. My uncle, whom I hadn’t seen since I was 11, had unexpectedly passed away from a stroke. At this gathering, I felt nothing but sympathy—not just for my relatives, but for my uncle himself. He had lived his entire life only for it to culminate in an awkward social event where we stood and watched workers seal and immortalize him into a wall, where he would remain for eternity. My uncle was one of the silliest people I’ve ever known and deserved an enjoyable farewell—not one where his loved ones sobbed and devoured pasta 20 minutes later.

Since that day, I’ve fantasized about buying my own private island and building an elaborate memorial for myself, filled to the brim with all the trinkets and artifacts I’ve collected over my lifetime.

This chair is the physical manifestation of that fantasy. Every element used in this piece represents a different part of who I am. Posters from my bedroom, packaging from impulsive purchases, movie tickets, and doodles from my sketchbook have been plastered all over its walls. Photos of friends and family, a best friend necklace, and a cassette tape dangle from the top of the structure. The exterior is covered in bright pink tiles and modeling paste resembling icing—a nod to my love of sweet treats and the color pink. If a magical being came up to me and turned me into a chair, this is exactly how I would look.

Goodbye!! (its only ten Minutes)

For ten years, I lived in the same suburban neighbourhood, dreaming of the day I would finally leave once I reached high school. Even though that goal was accomplished, it wasn’t as satisfying as I assumed it would be. Over time, I had become unconsciously attached to the place I wanted to leave behind so badly. This book is a memoir of the town of Ajax and all the things that influenced me to become the person I am today.

Installation process

Originally I had no trouble at all choosing the artworks I wanted to display with my art style being cohesive throughout all my work. The only problem was that I wanted one final piece to complete my exhibit and give it a more environmental feel so the viewer can be fully immersed in my work. My solution to this idea was creating a small house covered in textile and image transfer to continue the theme of enclosed spaces within my exhibit.

after a lot of work the final product came into extenence and after it did I was told by ms mani that it could not be included within my exhibit because it threw off the balance of my entire installation which was a giant shock to me and left me quite scared for the immersive quality I wanted the installation to have especially after (believe it or not) all the work I put into this piece.

A week later I thought it would be a smart idea to get my hair done the day we ducussed gallery placement and was surprised when I returned to class the next day to find out that I received the only spot I expressesd hatred towards and was unable to change it due to my previous absence so I proceeded to break down in the middle of class and convince myself that Ms.mani wanted to hide me from all the visitors because me exhibit was the worst one there which went on for a bit until I had to suck it up and make sure that nothing else went wrong with this process in order to have the most successful outcome.

When it came time to install I was actually super prepared and well organized. I took the weekend to revamp my chair by re-painting, sanding, gluing trim to the edges, and piping silicone around the whole silhouette, etc while the rest of my artworks were ready for me to take to the gallery so I loaded my dads car with whatever I had and set off to install.

I think the worst part of the process was having to order the crew around and watch them hang up my painting and shelves I just stood there while this dude was hard at work trying to make sure this one shelf was at the perfect angle which was genuinely one of my most awkward experiences throughout this whole thing. but other than that it all went well smoothly and I was done by 2 pm with an exhibit I felt quite unsure of.

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Final thoughts (scary)

Never in my life would I think that this many people would actually take a second out of there life to look and observe my art but for some reason I was wrong. By the opening night I was able to sit with and observe my work more along iwht the many others that were doing the same and with that I realized how far i’ve actually come in this program. weather my grade 9 self would proud of me or disappointed that I didn’t do what I aspired to achieve within my 4 years I definitely did something, something that many people took time to look at, ask me about, and interact with which is something that genuinely made this hellish process worth everything.

I actually have no idea what I would have turned out like without this program. I don’t think that all saints media arts (film I was gonna be a film major yes) would have given me all the experiences and opportunities that this school and program has. My experience has been quite the opposite of most people going into the Claude Watson program mostly because I was coming from a town 40 mins way from the school and had spent the last 10 years in the same building with the same people so I was overjoyed to finally leave everyone behind and start over so I came into grade 9 very confident just for that confidence to disappear little by little over these 4 years not being able to keep up with everything and becoming overwhelmed with the quality of the work around me rather than my own. but during this time I was able to develop a style that was true to myself and was able to carry on throughout all my artworks, I tried out so many new mediums and ways of expressing myself, Ive met so many talented people, Ive gained so many wonderful friendships, and most of all my love and distain for art has grown. Sometimes art can be the thing I love and hate the most and I wouldn’t be able to even picture my life without it.

Does this look okay?